Theo kept his hands on the podium.<\/p>\n
The chapel was so quiet that I could hear someone shifting in a chair behind me.<\/p>\n
He looked uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
Not embarrassed exactly.<\/p>\n
More like a person who had spent days preparing to do something difficult and had suddenly realized how many people were waiting for him to fail.<\/p>\n
"I borrowed the dress from my sister."<\/p>\n
He paused.<\/p>\n
"She didn't think it was a good idea, either."<\/p>\n
A few people exchanged glances.<\/p>\n
Theo swallowed.<\/p>\n
"But she let me have it because she understood why I needed to wear it."<\/p>\n
I looked toward the back of the chapel.<\/p>\n
A young woman sat there with her hands pressed together in her lap.<\/p>\n
She was watching Theo with tears already running down her face.<\/p>\n
His sister.<\/p>\n
I hadn't even noticed her when the service began.<\/p>\n
Theo took a breath and continued.<\/p>\n
"This started about six months ago."<\/p>\n
Six months.<\/p>\n
I tried to remember what our lives had looked like then.<\/p>\n
Jack had been home from another appointment.<\/p>\n
His treatments had become a regular part of our lives, and we had grown accustomed to measuring time between hospital visits.<\/p>\n
There were good days.<\/p>\n
There were days when the doctors gave us reasons to remain hopeful.<\/p>\n
And there were days when Daniel and I sat in the car afterward, neither of us knowing what to say.<\/p>\n
We tried to protect Jack from our fear.<\/p>\n
He tried to protect us from his.<\/p>\n
I didn't know how much he had told Theo.<\/p>\n
I was about to find out.<\/p>\n
"Jack and I were in his bedroom watching a movie."<\/p>\n
Theo's mouth moved into the smallest smile.<\/p>\n
"It was one of those horror films he thought everyone should appreciate."<\/p>\n
A few classmates laughed quietly.<\/p>\n
"He spent most of it explaining why the director was a genius. I spent most of it wondering why we hadn't watched something better."<\/p>\n
That sounded like them.<\/p>\n
Jack had always been convinced that his opinions were correct, especially when they concerned movies nobody else liked.<\/p>\n
Theo glanced at the coffin.<\/p>\n
"I think we were about halfway through when Jack started talking about his funeral."<\/p>\n
The smile disappeared.<\/p>\n
I felt Daniel's hand tighten around mine.<\/p>\n
Theo looked down.<\/p>\n
"I told him to stop."<\/p>\n
He rubbed his thumb against the edge of the podium.<\/p>\n
"I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to imagine it. I didn't want him sitting there talking about something that wasn't supposed to happen."<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
I understood that feeling.<\/p>\n
Daniel and I had done everything we could to keep conversations about death at a distance.<\/p>\n
When Jack talked about the future, we followed him there.<\/p>\n
When he talked about college, we asked which schools he liked.<\/p>\n
When he talked about traveling, we asked where he wanted to go first.<\/p>\n
We encouraged every plan.<\/p>\n
We never wanted him to believe we had given up on him.<\/p>\n
But Theo had been there for conversations we never heard.<\/p>\n
He had seen a different side of our son.<\/p>\n
"He asked me if I'd say something at his funeral."<\/p>\n
Theo's voice cracked.<\/p>\n
"I told him he was being ridiculous."<\/p>\n
He tried to smile.<\/p>\n
"Then I got angry. I said I wasn't going to stand in front of a room full of people talking about him because he was going to get better."<\/p>\n
He stopped.<\/p>\n
For a moment, he couldn't continue.<\/p>\n
Nobody interrupted him.<\/p>\n
"I really believed that."<\/p>\n
He wiped his face with one hand.<\/p>\n
"Or maybe I needed to believe it. I don't know."<\/p>\n
I looked at Jack's photograph on the table beside the coffin.<\/p>\n
He was smiling in that picture.<\/p>\n
Not a careful smile for the camera.<\/p>\n
A real one, with his head tilted slightly and his eyes narrowed because someone had made him laugh just before the photograph was taken.<\/p>\n
I remembered that afternoon.<\/p>\n
I remembered asking him to stand still.<\/p>\n
I remembered him complaining that I was taking too many pictures.<\/p>\n
I would have given anything to hear that complaint again.<\/p>\n
Theo drew another breath.<\/p>\n
"Anyway, I told Jack I'd speak at his funeral if he agreed to do something for me."<\/p>\n
I felt a strange sense of dread.<\/p>\n
He looked down at the red dress.<\/p>\n
"I told him that if I died first, he had to come to my funeral wearing a dress."<\/p>\n
A few people made startled sounds.<\/p>\n
Somebody near the back gave a nervous laugh.<\/p>\n
Theo's cheeks reddened, but he continued.<\/p>\n
"Jack thought that was hilarious."<\/p>\n
Of course he did.<\/p>\n
My son had always loved a ridiculous bargain.<\/p>\n
If there was a chance to turn a serious conversation into a joke, he would take it.<\/p>\n
"He said we had a deal."<\/p>\n
Theo's voice softened.<\/p>\n
"Then he told me that if he died first, I'd have to wear one to his funeral."<\/p>\n
Daniel lowered his head.<\/p>\n
I could no longer tell whether he was crying or trying to hold himself together.<\/p>\n
Theo glanced at the dress again.<\/p>\n
"Red was part of the deal."<\/p>\n
A woman in the front row covered her mouth.<\/p>\n
"He said black would make me look like someone who worked at the funeral home. He didn't want me looking that miserable."<\/p>\n
A few people laughed.<\/p>\n
It was a small sound at first.<\/p>\n
Then somebody else joined in.<\/p>\n
The laughter faded quickly, but something in the room had changed.<\/p>\n
For the first time, the dress didn't seem quite so strange.<\/p>\n
I could almost hear Jack saying it.<\/p>\n
I could imagine the expression on his face when he made the suggestion.<\/p>\n
He would have been pleased with himself.<\/p>\n
He would have expected Theo to complain.<\/p>\n
And he would have laughed even harder when Theo eventually agreed.<\/p>\n
I pressed my fingers against my lips.<\/p>\n
My son had made that promise while he was still making plans for a future he wanted desperately to reach.<\/p>\n
Six months earlier.<\/p>\n
Not six days.<\/p>\n
Not the night before he died.<\/p>\n
Six months.<\/p>\n
Theo continued.<\/p>\n
"I kept telling him there wouldn't be a funeral. I said he was going to be fine, and one day we'd laugh about how stupid this conversation had been."<\/p>\n
He looked toward Jack's coffin.<\/p>\n
"He told me he hoped I was right."<\/p>\n
Theo's voice became quieter.<\/p>\n
"But he wanted me to promise anyway."<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
That was the part I couldn't stop thinking about.<\/p>\n
Jack had asked his best friend to prepare for his death while his father and I were still planning for his recovery.<\/p>\n
We had been searching for reasons to believe the future was waiting for him.<\/p>\n
He had been doing the same thing.<\/p>\n
But he had also been brave enough to ask what would happen if the future never arrived.<\/p>\n
I didn't know how to reconcile those two things.<\/p>\n
I had spent months watching my son fight an illness that had taken so much from him.<\/p>\n
I had watched him endure treatment, exhaustion, and days when even ordinary tasks became difficult.<\/p>\n
I had told myself that if we kept believing, he would keep believing, too.<\/p>\n
Now I wondered whether my determination to protect him had sometimes made it harder for him to tell me the truth.<\/p>\n
Theo wiped his cheeks again.<\/p>\n
"I thought saying no would make him feel like I couldn't handle talking about it. So I agreed."<\/p>\n
He reached into the pocket of the red dress.<\/p>\n
The movement was so unexpected that several people leaned forward.<\/p>\n
Theo noticed.<\/p>\n
For the first time that morning, I almost smiled.<\/p>\n
The dress had a pocket.<\/p>\n
Jack would have considered that an important detail.<\/p>\n
Theo pulled out a folded piece of paper.<\/p>\n
It was small enough to fit inside his palm.<\/p>\n
He held it carefully, as though it might fall apart.<\/p>\n
"Jack wrote something down after we made the promise."<\/p>\n
I leaned forward.<\/p>\n
Theo looked toward me.<\/p>\n
"Mrs. Harris, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this sooner."<\/p>\n
His eyes were red.<\/p>\n
"I wanted to. I just couldn't figure out how."<\/p>\n
I shook my head slightly.<\/p>\n
I didn't know what to say.<\/p>\n
He unfolded the paper.<\/p>\n
"I thought you should hear it from him."<\/p>\n
Then he began to read.<\/p>\n
"Theo, if you're reading this because I didn't make it, that's pretty embarrassing for me."<\/p>\n
A laugh escaped someone in the chapel.<\/p>\n
Then another.<\/p>\n
I recognized the humor immediately.<\/p>\n
Even in a message about his own death, Jack had found a way to make himself the target of the joke.<\/p>\n
Theo smiled through his tears.<\/p>\n
"First, you made a promise. You have to wear red. Don't back out just because some of my relatives might think it's weird."<\/p>\n
Daniel made a broken sound beside me.<\/p>\n
It was half a laugh.<\/p>\n
Half a sob.<\/p>\n
I reached for his hand again.<\/p>\n
Theo looked down at the paper.<\/p>\n
He seemed to hesitate before reading the last line.<\/p>\n
Then he continued.<\/p>\n
"And don't start forgetting your promises just because I'm not here to remind you."<\/p>\n
The words settled over the chapel.<\/p>\n
No one laughed this time.<\/p>\n
Theo lowered the note.<\/p>\n
He stared at it for several seconds before folding it along the same creases.<\/p>\n
"I almost didn't come today."<\/p>\n
He spoke so quietly that I had to lean forward to hear him.<\/p>\n
"My dad said people would get the wrong idea. My mom thought everyone would be upset. My sister told me the whole thing sounded crazy."<\/p>\n
His eyes moved toward the back of the chapel.<\/p>\n
His sister gave him a small, tearful smile.<\/p>\n
"But she still lent me the dress."<\/p>\n
Theo looked down at the red fabric.<\/p>\n
"I knew people would talk. I knew some of you might think I was making fun of Jack."<\/p>\n
He lifted his head.<\/p>\n
"I wasn't."<\/p>\n
His voice broke.<\/p>\n
"I was trying to keep my word to my best friend."<\/p>\n
I looked at the boy standing before us.<\/p>\n
For the past several minutes, I had heard him explain a promise.<\/p>\n
But now I understood something else.<\/p>\n
He hadn't worn the dress because he wanted to make the funeral about himself.<\/p>\n
He had worn it because he couldn't bear the thought of failing Jack in the one way that still remained possible.<\/p>\n
Everyone else in the chapel had come to say goodbye.<\/p>\n
Theo had come to do something Jack had specifically asked him to do.<\/p>\n
And I had nearly allowed Daniel to ask him to leave before we knew the truth.<\/p>\n
I felt ashamed.<\/p>\n
Then I felt something even harder to bear.<\/p>\n
I realized Theo had been afraid of hurting us, even while he was grieving the same boy we were.<\/p>\n
He had walked into that chapel knowing people might judge him.<\/p>\n
He had sat among us and listened to the whispers.<\/p>\n
He had waited until it was time to speak, carrying a promise that belonged to him and Jack alone.<\/p>\n
And I had mistaken his fear for indifference.<\/p>\n
I couldn't stay in my seat.<\/p>\n
I stood.<\/p>\n
Theo saw me move.<\/p>\n
His expression changed immediately.<\/p>\n
For one terrible second, he looked as though he expected me to stop him.<\/p>\n
I walked toward the podium.<\/p>\n
He stepped back from the microphone.<\/p>\n
"Mrs. Harris, I'm sorry."<\/p>\n
I reached him before he could say anything else.<\/p>\n
Then I wrapped my arms around him.<\/p>\n
He was taller than I remembered.<\/p>\n
The little boy who used to arrive at our house with dirty shoes and a backpack hanging from one shoulder had grown into a young man.<\/p>\n
But when I held him, he bent toward me just as he had when he was younger.<\/p>\n
His shoulders began to shake.<\/p>\n
"I'm sorry," he whispered again.<\/p>\n
I held him tighter.<\/p>\n
"You don't have to apologize."<\/p>\n
He tried to pull back.<\/p>\n
"I should have told you."<\/p>\n
I touched his shoulder.<\/p>\n
"You're telling me now."<\/p>\n
He cried harder.<\/p>\n
I did, too.<\/p>\n
For several seconds, neither of us said anything.<\/p>\n
The chapel remained quiet around us.<\/p>\n
Then I gently turned him back toward the microphone.<\/p>\n
"Finish what you came here to say, Theo."<\/p>\n
He looked at me uncertainly.<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"Tell us about Jack."<\/p>\n
He wiped his face and returned to the podium.<\/p>\n
I walked back to Daniel.<\/p>\n
My husband was crying openly now.<\/p>\n
When I sat beside him, he took my hand without looking away from Theo.<\/p>\n
The red dress no longer seemed like an offense.<\/p>\n
It seemed like the last thing Jack had asked his best friend to do.<\/p>\n
And we had finally allowed him to do it.<\/p>\n
Source: kaylestore.net<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n Theo kept his hands on the podium. The chapel was so quiet that I could hear someone shifting in a chair behind me. He looked uncomfortable. Not embarrassed exactly. More … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10298,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sharestory"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10300"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10300\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10312,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10300\/revisions\/10312"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10298"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nClick here to continue reading: PART 3: The Seven Pages Theo Had Prepared for My Son’s Funeral Were Nothing Compared With the Memories He Chose to Share<\/a><\/strong><\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"