The rest of the day passed quietly.<\/p>\n
I finished another section of my accounting lesson.<\/p>\n
I cleaned the kitchen.<\/p>\n
I put away a few things that had been sitting on the counter.<\/p>\n
Nothing special.<\/p>\n
But I noticed how much easier it was to move around the house without feeling that I needed to consider someone else's routine.<\/p>\n
I could leave my notebook open.<\/p>\n
I could make lunch whenever I wanted.<\/p>\n
I could sit in the living room without wondering whether the television was too loud.<\/p>\n
It wasn't that Gary had controlled every part of my life.<\/p>\n
It was that I had become so used to adjusting that I rarely noticed how often I did it.<\/p>\n
That evening, I was preparing something simple to eat when I heard a knock.<\/p>\n
I opened the door.<\/p>\n
Linda was standing there with a grocery bag.<\/p>\n
"Hello."<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
"Back again?"<\/p>\n
She lifted the bag.<\/p>\n
"I brought something."<\/p>\n
I stepped aside.<\/p>\n
"Come in."<\/p>\n
She walked into the kitchen and placed the bag on the counter.<\/p>\n
I looked inside.<\/p>\n
There was cheese.<\/p>\n
Crackers.<\/p>\n
A bottle of sparkling cider.<\/p>\n
And a small cake.<\/p>\n
The cake had pink frosting.<\/p>\n
I looked at it.<\/p>\n
"What is all this for?"<\/p>\n
Linda smiled.<\/p>\n
"An occasion."<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
"What occasion?"<\/p>\n
She carefully placed the cake on the counter.<\/p>\n
"You finally got your porch back."<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
Then I laughed again.<\/p>\n
My porch.<\/p>\n
Such a simple thing.<\/p>\n
But I understood what she meant.<\/p>\n
For years, that porch had been the place where Gary came and went.<\/p>\n
His shoes.<\/p>\n
His golf clubs.<\/p>\n
His keys.<\/p>\n
His complaints about the weather.<\/p>\n
His questions about dinner.<\/p>\n
Then, four months earlier, it had become the place where he announced he was leaving.<\/p>\n
And yesterday, it had become the place where he expected to return.<\/p>\n
Now it was simply my porch again.<\/p>\n
Linda opened the cupboard and found two plates.<\/p>\n
"Don't tell me you already ate."<\/p>\n
"Not yet."<\/p>\n
"Good. Then we're having cake."<\/p>\n
I looked at the pink frosting.<\/p>\n
"You're suggesting cake for dinner?"<\/p>\n
"I'm suggesting we celebrate something."<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
"All right."<\/p>\n
We arranged the cheese and crackers on a plate.<\/p>\n
Linda poured the sparkling cider into two glasses.<\/p>\n
I cut the cake.<\/p>\n
The pink frosting wasn't perfectly smooth.<\/p>\n
One side was slightly higher than the other.<\/p>\n
It looked homemade.<\/p>\n
I liked it.<\/p>\n
We sat at the kitchen table beneath the blue cabinets.<\/p>\n
Linda raised her glass.<\/p>\n
"To Debbie."<\/p>\n
I lifted mine.<\/p>\n
"To what?"<\/p>\n
"To having your life back."<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
Then I touched my glass against hers.<\/p>\n
We drank.<\/p>\n
For a while, we talked about ordinary things.<\/p>\n
The neighborhood.<\/p>\n
Her sister.<\/p>\n
My accounting classes.<\/p>\n
A few things we had planned to do.<\/p>\n
It felt strange to talk about the future without automatically including Gary.<\/p>\n
But it also felt good.<\/p>\n
At one point, Linda looked toward the hallway.<\/p>\n
"Do you think he'll come back again?"<\/p>\n
I considered the question.<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
"Would you let him in?"<\/p>\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
The answer came more easily than I expected.<\/p>\n
Linda smiled.<\/p>\n
"Good."<\/p>\n
I looked at my plate.<\/p>\n
There was a piece of cake left.<\/p>\n
I took a small bite.<\/p>\n
It was sweeter than I usually liked.<\/p>\n
But I didn't mind.<\/p>\n
Then Linda asked whether I had heard from our son.<\/p>\n
I told her we had spoken recently.<\/p>\n
She asked how he was doing.<\/p>\n
I answered.<\/p>\n
We didn't spend long discussing him.<\/p>\n
He was twenty-four now.<\/p>\n
He had his own life.<\/p>\n
And I was glad he did.<\/p>\n
I didn't want to involve him in the arguments between his parents.<\/p>\n
He had grown up.<\/p>\n
He deserved to have his own relationships with both of us without being asked to choose sides.<\/p>\n
Linda understood.<\/p>\n
She didn't press the subject.<\/p>\n
We finished the cake.<\/p>\n
The plates were almost empty.<\/p>\n
Then I noticed that I was beginning to cry.<\/p>\n
I put down my fork.<\/p>\n
Linda looked at me.<\/p>\n
"Debbie?"<\/p>\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n
"I'm all right."<\/p>\n
She waited.<\/p>\n
I wiped my cheek.<\/p>\n
"I don't know why I'm crying."<\/p>\n
She moved her chair closer.<\/p>\n
"That's okay."<\/p>\n
I looked at the blue cabinets.<\/p>\n
The same cabinets Gary had complained about.<\/p>\n
The same kitchen where I had once saved dinner for him.<\/p>\n
The same table where I had spent so many evenings trying to understand what had gone wrong.<\/p>\n
And now I was sitting there with my neighbor, eating cake and drinking sparkling cider.<\/p>\n
I wasn't crying because I wanted Gary back.<\/p>\n
I wasn't crying because I regretted closing the door.<\/p>\n
I was crying because I had finally understood how long I had spent putting his happiness ahead of my own.<\/p>\n
For twenty-two years, I had made excuses.<\/p>\n
I had adjusted.<\/p>\n
I had waited.<\/p>\n
I had convinced myself that keeping the peace was more important than saying what I really thought.<\/p>\n
And when he left, I had believed that losing him meant I had failed.<\/p>\n
But that wasn't the truth.<\/p>\n
I had not failed because he chose to leave.<\/p>\n
I had not become less valuable because another woman had taken his attention.<\/p>\n
And I did not have to accept him back simply because his other relationship had ended.<\/p>\n
Linda reached for my hand.<\/p>\n
"You don't have to explain."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
For a few moments, neither of us spoke.<\/p>\n
Then I looked around the kitchen.<\/p>\n
The cake.<\/p>\n
The plates.<\/p>\n
The glasses.<\/p>\n
The blue cabinets.<\/p>\n
Everything was ordinary.<\/p>\n
But it felt different.<\/p>\n
Linda smiled.<\/p>\n
"At least you can choose what color the kitchen is now."<\/p>\n
I laughed through my tears.<\/p>\n
"That was the first thing I chose."<\/p>\n
"And a good choice."<\/p>\n
I looked at the cabinets again.<\/p>\n
"Yes. It was."<\/p>\n
Later, after Linda left, I washed the plates.<\/p>\n
I wiped the counter.<\/p>\n
I put the remaining crackers away.<\/p>\n
Then I turned off the kitchen light.<\/p>\n
Before going upstairs, I walked to the front door.<\/p>\n
I checked the lock.<\/p>\n
It was secure.<\/p>\n
I rested my hand on it for a moment.<\/p>\n
The porch was empty.<\/p>\n
No suitcases.<\/p>\n
No golf clubs.<\/p>\n
No man waiting for me to change my mind.<\/p>\n
I switched off the hallway light.<\/p>\n
And for the first time in a very long while, I went to bed without wondering whether someone else was going to decide what happened to my life.<\/p>\n
My home was quiet.<\/p>\n
My kitchen was blue.<\/p>\n
And I was finally comfortable being the person who made the decisions.<\/p>\n
Source: kaylestore.net<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\nThe End<\/strong><\/h2>\n