Daniel's condition worsened quickly after that.<\/p>\n
The nurses stopped pretending his treatments were working as well as they had hoped. His walks became shorter. His hands shook more. Some mornings, he couldn't finish breakfast.<\/p>\n
Lily noticed everything.<\/p>\n
Children notice changes adults try to hide.<\/p>\n
One morning she asked me why her father slept so much.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe's tired,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause of the medicine?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWill the medicine make him better?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Daniel.<\/p>\n
He was awake.<\/p>\n
He heard the question.<\/p>\n
He also knew I wasn't qualified to answer it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think your dad's doctors are doing everything they can,\u201d I said carefully.<\/p>\n
Lily nodded.<\/p>\n
She seemed satisfied for about ten seconds.<\/p>\n
Then she whispered, \u201cDad doesn't think he's getting better.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Daniel again.<\/p>\n
His eyes were closed.<\/p>\n
He didn't pretend otherwise.<\/p>\n
That afternoon, he asked me to stay after my shift.<\/p>\n
Lily had gone home with a relative.<\/p>\n
The hospital corridor had become quiet. Most of the visitors were gone, and the fluorescent lights made everything look pale.<\/p>\n
Daniel was sitting upright.<\/p>\n
\u201cClose the door,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
I did.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're scaring me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked toward the window.<\/p>\n
For several seconds, he didn't speak.<\/p>\n
Then he said, \u201cI need to ask you something, and I need you to understand that you don't owe me an answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want Lily to have you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt means I want you in her life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI already am.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI mean after I'm gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room seemed to shrink.<\/p>\n
I sat down.<\/p>\n
\u201cDaniel\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know how it sounds.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're talking about your daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou barely know me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn't enough to decide something like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
His voice became softer.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
I expected him to explain himself.<\/p>\n
Instead, he said, \u201cLily's mother died when she was born. She has already lost one parent. I can't stand the thought of her losing the other and then being passed from relative to relative.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFamily isn't the same as home.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't answer.<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou've never treated her like a patient.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe isn't one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don't talk down to her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe hates that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou remember things she says.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou stayed.\u201d<\/p>\n
The word landed strangely.<\/p>\n
I didn't understand why.<\/p>\n
Daniel looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need someone who will stay.\u201d<\/p>\n
I told him I couldn't promise that.<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're asking me to make a decision about a child because you're dying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn't fair.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
His honesty disarmed me.<\/p>\n
He didn't defend himself.<\/p>\n
He didn't pretend the situation was reasonable.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want to trap you,\u201d he said. \u201cI don't want you to feel sorry for me. I don't want you marrying me because I'm sick.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what exactly are you asking?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked directly at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm asking whether you could love her enough to remain her mother when I can't.\u201d<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
The word mother frightened me.<\/p>\n
It had been years since anyone had connected that word to me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can't promise something I don't know how to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou already do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I help her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou love her.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down.<\/p>\n
He was right.<\/p>\n
That was the problem.<\/p>\n
Somewhere between the braids, the spelling lists, and the granola bars, Lily had stopped being Daniel's daughter in my mind and become Lily.<\/p>\n
A child whose favorite pencil I knew.<\/p>\n
A little girl who liked the crust cut from her sandwiches.<\/p>\n
A child who checked the hallway for me every afternoon.<\/p>\n
I cared about her.<\/p>\n
More than I wanted to admit.<\/p>\n
Daniel reached for the cup on his bedside table, but his hand trembled too badly.<\/p>\n
I picked it up and gave it to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're welcome.\u201d<\/p>\n
He drank.<\/p>\n
Then he said, \u201cThere is something else.\u201d<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought he was speaking from exhaustion.<\/p>\n
Maybe fear.<\/p>\n
Maybe gratitude.<\/p>\n
\u201cDaniel\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know you don't feel the same way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI care about you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn't the same.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled faintly.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut it might become something.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't answer.<\/p>\n
That night, I went home and couldn't sleep.<\/p>\n
I thought about Lily.<\/p>\n
I thought about Daniel.<\/p>\n
I thought about the life I had built after Josie.<\/p>\n
For years, I had believed protecting myself meant keeping my life small enough that nothing could destroy it again.<\/p>\n
Then a six-year-old girl had walked into it carrying a hairbrush.<\/p>\n
The next morning, Lily ran toward me in the hospital corridor.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou came.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said I would.\u201d<\/p>\n
She grabbed my hand.<\/p>\n
Daniel saw it.<\/p>\n
His eyes filled with something I couldn't identify.<\/p>\n
Later that week, he told me about the legal documents he had begun preparing.<\/p>\n
He had arranged for me to become Lily's guardian if he died.<\/p>\n
I almost refused.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can't do that without knowing what I want.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won't file anything you don't agree to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I want you to understand how serious I am.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the paperwork.<\/p>\n
My name was there.<\/p>\n
So was Lily's.<\/p>\n
The page seemed heavier than paper should feel.<\/p>\n
A few days later, I told him about Josie.<\/p>\n
I didn't tell him every detail.<\/p>\n
There were pieces of the accident I had never spoken aloud.<\/p>\n
But I told him about my husband.<\/p>\n
I told him about losing my daughter.<\/p>\n
I told him about Mr. Bunny.<\/p>\n
Daniel became very still.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour daughter had a rabbit?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened to it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
His face changed.<\/p>\n
Just for a second.<\/p>\n
Then he turned toward the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cDaniel?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou look upset.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause no parent should have to bury a child.\u201d<\/p>\n
I accepted that.<\/p>\n
I didn't know why his hands were trembling.<\/p>\n
I didn't know why he couldn't look at me.<\/p>\n
I didn't know that my story had confirmed something he had suspected.<\/p>\n
Instead, I thought he was simply grieving with me.<\/p>\n
Our relationship changed after that.<\/p>\n
Not dramatically.<\/p>\n
There was no sudden romance.<\/p>\n
It happened through small things.<\/p>\n
He saved the better tea for me.<\/p>\n
I learned when his pain was bad enough that conversation exhausted him.<\/p>\n
We talked after midnight.<\/p>\n
Sometimes about the future.<\/p>\n
Sometimes about nothing.<\/p>\n
Lily began sitting between us whenever she could.<\/p>\n
One afternoon, she fell asleep with her head against my arm.<\/p>\n
Daniel looked at her.<\/p>\n
Then at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe trusts you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't think you understand what that means.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I do.\u201d<\/p>\n
He reached for my hand.<\/p>\n
His fingers were cold.<\/p>\n
\u201cMarry me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
The hospital clock ticked above his shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can't be serious.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe barely know each other.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're sick.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could die.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know that better than anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n
He squeezed my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't want a wife because I'm afraid to die alone. I want someone Lily already feels safe with.\u201d<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd what about me?\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes softened.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want you too.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down at our hands.<\/p>\n
For years, I had thought love was something that belonged to the life before the accident.<\/p>\n
Now it was sitting in a hospital bed, asking me to make a choice I could never take back.<\/p>\n
I whispered, \u201cI'll do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Daniel closed his eyes.<\/p>\n
For the first time since I had met him, he looked relieved.<\/p>\n
But there was something else in his expression.<\/p>\n
Something almost like guilt.<\/p>\n
I noticed it.<\/p>\n
I simply didn't know what it meant.<\/p>\n
Daniel's condition worsened quickly after that. The nurses stopped pretending his treatments were working as well as they had hoped. His walks became shorter. His hands shook more. Some mornings, … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6107,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6109","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sharestory"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6109","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6109"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6109\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6121,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6109\/revisions\/6121"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6107"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6109"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6109"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6109"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}