I didn't sit down.<\/p>\n
Arthur remained near the doorway, watching me with an expression I couldn't read.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said Robert gave you that painting.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said he sent it to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYears ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow many years?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur looked toward the fireplace.<\/p>\n
\u201cMore than twenty.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stepped closer to the painting.<\/p>\n
There was a small patch near the dock where the blue-gray paint had been mixed unevenly. Robert had done that when he was tired. I knew because I had watched him paint it.<\/p>\n
He never corrected it.<\/p>\n
I had once asked why.<\/p>\n
He said, \u201cBecause the lake isn't perfect either.\u201d<\/p>\n
I touched the edge of the frame without quite touching the canvas.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did he get this?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur pulled out a chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease sit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI'd rather stand.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n
He took a slow breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cI met Robert when I was twenty-four.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLong before you knew him.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words struck me harder than they should have.<\/p>\n
I knew Robert had traveled before we met.<\/p>\n
I knew he'd spent some time in Australia.<\/p>\n
But he had rarely spoken about that period.<\/p>\n
Not because he was secretive.<\/p>\n
At least, that was what I had always believed.<\/p>\n
Arthur continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cRobert was younger than me. Maybe twenty-two or twenty-three. He was working at a hotel outside Melbourne.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou worked there too?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was he like?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cHopeless with luggage.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
Robert had been hopeless with practical things.<\/p>\n
He once put a bag of groceries on the roof of our car and drove away.<\/p>\n
He had forgotten it until an apple rolled onto the windshield.<\/p>\n
Arthur saw my expression.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou recognize that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was always convinced he could carry more than he actually could.\u201d<\/p>\n
For the first time since entering the room, my fear loosened slightly.<\/p>\n
It was really him.<\/p>\n
The stories were too specific.<\/p>\n
Arthur moved toward the fireplace.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat painting began with a place we visited together.\u201d<\/p>\n
He pointed at the lake.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was a cottage near here. Nothing fancy. We stayed there for a few days when we had almost no money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRobert painted this there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe first version.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe first?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe painted several versions over the years.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe one I had was destroyed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Robert told me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room went silent.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow did you know that?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur didn't answer immediately.<\/p>\n
Instead, he walked toward an old wooden cabinet.<\/p>\n
He opened the bottom drawer and removed a small box.<\/p>\n
My stomach tightened.<\/p>\n
He carried it to the coffee table and placed it between us.<\/p>\n
The box was scratched and faded.<\/p>\n
Arthur rested his hands on the lid.<\/p>\n
\u201cBefore I show you this, there's something you should understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
I said nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cRobert never told me everything about his life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeither did he tell me everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur gave me a sad smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cI suspect that was one of his better qualities.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he opened the box.<\/p>\n
Letters.<\/p>\n
Dozens of them.<\/p>\n
Some were folded.<\/p>\n
Some were inside envelopes.<\/p>\n
Some had stamps from countries I recognized.<\/p>\n
I reached toward the nearest envelope.<\/p>\n
The handwriting stopped me.<\/p>\n
Robert.<\/p>\n
There was no mistaking it.<\/p>\n
I picked it up.<\/p>\n
My fingers trembled.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long did you know each other?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur sat across from me.<\/p>\n
\u201cOn and off for decades.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDecades?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd he wrote to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy didn't I know?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur looked down.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
That answer irritated me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou must have some idea.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wasn't hiding another life from you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't say that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn't have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put the letter down.<\/p>\n
Arthur continued carefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe lost contact for years at a time. Life happened. Jobs. Marriage. Children. Moving. Then, later, we found each other again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen Robert became sick.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped breathing for a moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou contacted him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. He found me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThrough an old friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur's fingers rested on the wooden box.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wrote because he knew he didn't have much time.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at the envelopes.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA little over a year.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room seemed colder.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he write about?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou.\u201d<\/p>\n
My eyes filled before I could stop them.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMostly ordinary things.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSuch as?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat you hated folding laundry.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed unexpectedly.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is true.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat you pretended to enjoy gardening but mostly enjoyed telling him what he was doing wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is also true.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wrote about your children. Your grandchildren. The house. Your cooking.\u201d<\/p>\n
I wiped under one eye.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe complained about my cooking?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said your soup was excellent.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe lied.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur laughed.<\/p>\n
For a few seconds, the room felt almost normal.<\/p>\n
Then he became serious again.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was worried about you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe thought you were forgetting how to live for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n
The sentence settled heavily between us.<\/p>\n
I looked down at my hands.<\/p>\n
Arthur continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cRobert said you always postponed things.\u201d<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said you were always planning a trip.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the painting.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe remembered that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe remembered everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat back.<\/p>\n
For years after Robert died, I had wondered whether he had understood how badly I wanted to travel.<\/p>\n
We had talked about it countless times.<\/p>\n
Then illness changed everything.<\/p>\n
After he died, I stopped making plans.<\/p>\n
Arthur reached into the box.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is one letter I was specifically asked to keep.\u201d<\/p>\n
He removed an envelope.<\/p>\n
My name was written on it.<\/p>\n
Abigail.<\/p>\n
Robert's handwriting.<\/p>\n
My heart began beating faster.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy didn't you send it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me not to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wanted you to receive it only if you came to Australia.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew I might come here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe hoped you would.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur looked at me for a long moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Australia mattered to him.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward the painting.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wanted you to see it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy this particular painting?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause it reminded him of who he was before he became everyone's husband, father, provider, and caretaker.\u201d<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes.<\/p>\n
That description sounded painfully familiar.<\/p>\n
Arthur slid the envelope across the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cOpen it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I couldn't.<\/p>\n
Not immediately.<\/p>\n
The paper seemed impossibly heavy.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if I don't want to know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen don't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat if it makes everything worse?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen I'll sit here while it does.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
That was perhaps the kindest thing anyone had said to me in years.<\/p>\n
I opened the envelope.<\/p>\n
The letter was four pages.<\/p>\n
The first lines were simple.<\/p>\n
Robert wrote about Australia.<\/p>\n
About being young.<\/p>\n
About being broke.<\/p>\n
About the lake.<\/p>\n
About meeting Arthur.<\/p>\n
Then he wrote about me.<\/p>\n
He wrote that he hoped I would one day stop confusing sacrifice with love.<\/p>\n
I had to put the letter down.<\/p>\n
Arthur looked away.<\/p>\n
I picked it up again.<\/p>\n
Robert wrote that if I ever came to Australia after he was gone, I should not treat the trip as a shrine to him.<\/p>\n
I should enjoy it.<\/p>\n
I should eat something he would have hated.<\/p>\n
I should stay somewhere beautiful longer than planned.<\/p>\n
I should leave somewhere dull without feeling guilty.<\/p>\n
I should spend money on myself.<\/p>\n
And, most importantly, I should stop waiting for everyone else to approve of my happiness.<\/p>\n
My vision blurred.<\/p>\n
The final lines were almost impossible to read.<\/p>\n
Robert had written that he regretted helping me believe that life could always be postponed.<\/p>\n
I pressed the letter against my chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't understand,\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n
Arthur didn't interrupt.<\/p>\n
\u201cI did everything with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI stayed when he was sick.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI gave everything I had.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur's voice was quiet.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knew.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why would he say I needed to live for myself?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause he loved you.\u201d<\/p>\n
That answer broke something open in me.<\/p>\n
I cried.<\/p>\n
Not loudly.<\/p>\n
There was no dramatic collapse.<\/p>\n
Just tears that wouldn't stop.<\/p>\n
Arthur stayed where he was.<\/p>\n
He didn't touch me.<\/p>\n
He didn't tell me everything would be fine.<\/p>\n
He simply waited.<\/p>\n
Eventually, I laughed through my tears.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he mean about coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe mentioned you owing him money.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwelve dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou never paid him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI intended to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cApparently you had twenty years.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was waiting for the right opportunity.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're a terrible friend.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI've been told.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed again.<\/p>\n
It was strange.<\/p>\n
I had walked into that room expecting nothing more than an afternoon coffee.<\/p>\n
Instead, I had found a man who had known Robert before me, a painting I thought was gone forever, and a letter that seemed to know me better than I knew myself.<\/p>\n
I stayed until the sun went down.<\/p>\n
Arthur told me more stories.<\/p>\n
He told me about Robert getting lost in Melbourne and refusing to admit it.<\/p>\n
He told me about a jazz concert where Robert fell asleep halfway through the second song.<\/p>\n
He told me about the lake.<\/p>\n
And he told me about a night when Robert had spoken about me for nearly an hour.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said you were stubborn.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said you were generous.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said you were stronger than you believed.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't answer.<\/p>\n
Arthur's voice softened.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd he said you would spend your entire life making sure everyone else was comfortable if someone didn't stop you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he ask you to stop me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why did he keep this letter?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause he knew I couldn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't understand.<\/p>\n
Arthur stood and walked toward the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe couldn't make that choice for you either.\u201d<\/p>\n
That sentence stayed with me.<\/p>\n
The next morning, I returned to the bookstore where we had met.<\/p>\n
Arthur was already there.<\/p>\n
He was holding the detective novel.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou left this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought you wanted it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI finished it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou read quickly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI skipped the boring parts.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
We walked to a caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n
I told him I was staying in Australia longer.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow much longer?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThree weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou sound relieved.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was hoping you wouldn't disappear.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI've been disappearing for years.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cPerhaps you should stop.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't answer.<\/p>\n
But I thought about it.<\/p>\n
Over the next days, Arthur showed me the city from his perspective.<\/p>\n
Not the postcard version.<\/p>\n
The quiet streets.<\/p>\n
The tiny market where he bought tomatoes.<\/p>\n
A beach where almost nobody went in the late afternoon.<\/p>\n
A record shop with dusty shelves.<\/p>\n
A park where old men played chess beneath enormous trees.<\/p>\n
We talked more.<\/p>\n
Sometimes about Robert.<\/p>\n
Sometimes about Anne.<\/p>\n
Sometimes about nothing.<\/p>\n
One evening, I asked him why he had invited me to his home.<\/p>\n
He hesitated.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I wanted you to see the painting.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn't the whole answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is the rest?\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted to meet the woman Robert spent so many years talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n
My chest tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou knew it was me when we met?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot at first?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen did you realize?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe second afternoon.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're telling me you recognized my husband's name?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot immediately.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mentioned the town where you and Robert had lived.\u201d<\/p>\n
I remembered.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you said nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn't sure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have asked.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arthur smiled faintly.<\/p>\n
\u201cImagine being approached by a stranger who says, \u2018Excuse me, are you the wife of my dead friend?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat would be awkward.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you decided coffee was safer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt seemed reasonable.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
Then his expression became serious.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't want to frighten you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI almost did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked toward the painting in the distance through the open doorway.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen you walked into my living room.\u201d<\/p>\n
I followed his gaze.<\/p>\n
The painting was still there.<\/p>\n
Waiting.<\/p>\n
And suddenly I understood something.<\/p>\n
The painting hadn't merely brought Robert back into my life.<\/p>\n
It had brought me to a question I had spent twelve years avoiding.<\/p>\n
Who was I supposed to become now that I no longer had anyone to take care of?<\/p>\n
I didn't know the answer.<\/p>\n
But for the first time, I wanted to find out.<\/p>\n
I didn't sit down. Arthur remained near the doorway, watching me with an expression I couldn't read. \u201cYou said Robert gave you that painting.\u201d \u201cI said he sent it to … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6426,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6428","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sharestory"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6428","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6428"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6428\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6440,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6428\/revisions\/6440"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6426"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6428"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6428"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6428"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}