\u201cI\u2019m listening,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Max was quiet for several seconds.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was cruel to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
The simplicity of the sentence unsettled me more than an elaborate apology would have.<\/p>\n
I leaned against the kitchen counter. Across from me, the girls were pretending not to listen while very obviously listening.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI shouldn't have said those things yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I shouldn't have said them before.\u201d<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes.<\/p>\n
There it was.<\/p>\n
The part I had not expected.<\/p>\n
He wasn't limiting his apology to the wedding.<\/p>\n
\u201cI spent a long time thinking I was helping you,\u201d he continued. \u201cTelling you to change things. Telling you what other people might think. I convinced myself I was being honest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou weren't helping me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
His voice sounded tired.<\/p>\n
I looked at the clock.<\/p>\n
The girls had school in less than an hour.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy are you telling me this now?\u201d<\/p>\n
Another silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Claire asked me a question last night.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat question?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe asked me whether I actually loved you when we were married.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't know what to say.<\/p>\n
Max continued before I could answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her I did.\u201d<\/p>\n
My grip tightened around the phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen she asked why I had spent so much time trying to make you feel unattractive.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you tell her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't have an answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
That sounded more like Max than I expected.<\/p>\n
He had always been good at having answers.<\/p>\n
Sometimes they were explanations.<\/p>\n
Sometimes excuses.<\/p>\n
Sometimes they were simply delivered with enough confidence that I doubted my own memory.<\/p>\n
But this time, he had nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I was angry,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
The words were so unexpected that I sat down.<\/p>\n
Max breathed slowly.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen things started going wrong between us, I blamed you because it was easier than admitting I wasn't happy with myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked toward the window.<\/p>\n
Morning sunlight had begun to fill the kitchen.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd Claire?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou married her yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're calling me the morning after your wedding to tell me you don't know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know how that sounds.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt sounds like you have a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn't argue.<\/p>\n
\u201cI probably do.\u201d<\/p>\n
I rubbed my forehead.<\/p>\n
\u201cMax, whatever is happening between you and Claire, don't make it my responsibility.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt isn't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI just wanted to say I'm sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
I believed that he was sorry.<\/p>\n
That didn't mean I forgave him.<\/p>\n
Those were different things.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
He seemed surprised.<\/p>\n
Then he asked, \u201cDo you hate me?\u201d<\/p>\n
The question irritated me.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I don't want to spend the rest of my life hating you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He said nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have two daughters,\u201d I continued. \u201cThey're going to have to know you for the rest of their lives. I don't want every conversation about you to become poisoned.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen start acting like you understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI will.\u201d<\/p>\n
We ended the call.<\/p>\n
My daughter immediately appeared beside me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWas Dad really sorry?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think he was.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes that mean you're friends again?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded thoughtfully.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then she went back to her breakfast.<\/p>\n
Children sometimes understood boundaries more easily than adults did.<\/p>\n
That afternoon, I returned to work.<\/p>\n
Edward was already at his desk.<\/p>\n
He looked up as I approached.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow bad?\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood morning to you too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have the face you make when something complicated happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know my face now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI've worked with you for years.\u201d<\/p>\n
I set my coffee down.<\/p>\n
\u201cMax apologized.\u201d<\/p>\n
Edward leaned back.<\/p>\n
\u201cGenuine apology?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI think so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doesn't mean you have to accept everything that comes with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He studied me.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you?\u201d<\/p>\n
I gave him a look.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're becoming annoying again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
Then he noticed the expression on my face.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're staring.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was thinking about yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat usually gets people into trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was thinking about the way you defended me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Edward's expression softened.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn't need defending.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what are you thanking me for?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor reminding me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat I don't have to let someone else's opinion become my identity.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked down at his desk.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou remembered that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n
The conversation ended there.<\/p>\n
But something between us had changed.<\/p>\n
Not dramatically.<\/p>\n
There was no sudden confession.<\/p>\n
No romantic declaration.<\/p>\n
Just a new awareness.<\/p>\n
For the first time, I noticed how often Edward looked toward my office when he thought I wasn't paying attention.<\/p>\n
And I noticed that I had started looking for him too.<\/p>\n
Three days later, Claire called me.<\/p>\n
I almost didn't answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVeronica?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is Claire.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
She gave a nervous laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a long pause.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted to apologize.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the way I behaved at the wedding.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn't say much.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn't need to.\u201d<\/p>\n
I understood.<\/p>\n
She had stood beside Max while he humiliated me.<\/p>\n
Sometimes silence was a choice.<\/p>\n
\u201cI should have stopped him earlier,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her voice cracked slightly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI also need to ask you something.\u201d<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cWas Edward really your boyfriend?\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She exhaled.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe looked at you differently.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn't know what to say.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was pretending,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n
She sounded unconvinced.<\/p>\n
\u201cClaire, why are you asking?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Max spent the whole night talking about him.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said Edward made him feel like a fool.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds like Max.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe also said something else.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said you looked happier with Edward than you ever looked with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at the wall.<\/p>\n
I didn't like hearing that.<\/p>\n
Not because I wanted Max to think it.<\/p>\n
Because part of me wondered whether it was true.<\/p>\n
Claire continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know what happens next for me and Max.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stayed silent.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I know one thing,\u201d she said. \u201cHe isn't angry because of Edward.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause Edward proved something he didn't want to see.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat you don't need him.\u201d<\/p>\n
The call ended shortly afterward.<\/p>\n
I sat at my desk for several minutes.<\/p>\n
Then I looked across the office.<\/p>\n
Edward was there.<\/p>\n
He was reading a report.<\/p>\n
He looked up.<\/p>\n
Our eyes met.<\/p>\n
He smiled.<\/p>\n
I smiled back.<\/p>\n
And for the first time, I wondered whether the fake part of our arrangement had already begun to disappear.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m listening,\u201d I said. Max was quiet for several seconds. \u201cI was cruel to you.\u201d The simplicity of the sentence unsettled me more than an elaborate apology would have. I … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6581,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6586","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sharestory"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6586","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6586"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6586\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6598,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6586\/revisions\/6598"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6581"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6586"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6586"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onesharedstory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6586"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}